Welcome Back to My Blog

Nearly a year ago, I started a blog with no real direction; not knowing how to articulate what I really needed to say, I gave it no real direction maybe hoping it would find the way on its own. It has not – I have not.

Much has changed in my life this year; I am a grandmother the most precious child every – I was not prepared for the feeling of love for a grandchild. If there are any, maybe someday I will find words to describe it for you.

Much has not changed; I am still morbidly obese – there I said it.

I have been gaining weight for over 25 years – the past four or five my weight has gotten out of control – gaining 50lbs over the past 3 years.

Yesterday afternoon in my doctor’s office, I faced my mortality (something I have been ignoring for a long time.)

Thus, my journey to loving myself resumes.

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The Best Night of Bad Baseball

As a California girl, transplanted to the east coast, the question became Yankees or Red Sox? The answer is still The Angels with Red Sox tendencies.

Earlier this week my husband (who has the similar but stronger views on the game,) was offered 4 tickets to a New York Met game. He of course, asked me if I wanted to go and my answer was “Yes, but if you know anyone who really wants to go, let them have my ticket.” The main reason I wanted to go to a Mets game on a Monday night, with rain in the forecast, was to see the new stadium. My husband felt the same way.

An old friend and his 17-year-old son went with us. We drove into the city in a thunder storm; complain about the parking when we got there. Security was good, just the way I like it, and the guards were friendly – yes, the New York Mets.

We got there just at game time but the rain delay allowed us to check out the stadium and get something to eat. Citi Field is very nice; clean and modern but with an old-time ballpark feel to it. Our seats were very good. Oh, and I got the extra bonus of calling my brother as the lineup was announced to brag that I was at, yet another stadium that he hasn’t been to; he was adequately jealous.

We enjoyed catching up with our old friend and getting to know his son. There was a group of Jewish teenagers on an outing. Two of the girls were trying to take self-portraits; I offered to take their pictures with the sign in the back ground. I was then asked to do this several times from others in the groups throughout the entire game – you know how I love to take pictures.

A few innings had gone by with no score, when I saw a foul ball coming right at me; so I ducked; the ball bounce once right behind me and our friend’s son caught it. He tried to act cool, but he was beaming; he took the ball out of his jacket pocket from time to time and just looked at it. My husband leaned over to me and said “he is going to remember every detail of that foul ball for the rest of his life.”

After a few more scoreless innings of beer and hotdogs the Italian couple in front of us asked for some type of help with their camera, we were somehow able to communicate with his broken English and gestures and I was able to help him. Sadly this was their first baseball game; I expect it was there last. From that point, every time we cheered or jeered, he would ask me what had happened; I don’t know if he understood.

With the score tied at 0 in the 10^th inning, my new Italian friend asked “Is this the last one?” I explained, the best I could, about extra innings and he asked “what is next?” that is when the men tried to explain. We left it at “someone has to score.” I think it was in the 11^th inning that I was able to tell them “Now it’s over.”

After a stop at the oddly clean restroom, we drove home, the kid still examining his foul ball trophy; reflecting on the best night of bad baseball. Sometimes that’s just how life works out.

Vocation, Avocation, Calling, or Just What We Do

Last night was cooler than it had been for a few days, so I turned off the AC and opened the windows in our bedroom.

No sooner, did I turn off the light and was snug in my bed; I heard the plaintive cry of some animal. Thinking back to “Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten,” I first thought it was mating raccoons; soon I realized it was a crying cat.

I jumped out of bed and ran outside; my beautiful calico was sitting on the deck, looking towards the ruckus. I was as happy to see her, as she was to come inside. I asked my husband if we should go out and try to help. His response was “you’re going to tramps through the woods at 1 a.m. looking for a wounded cat?” So, our cat curled up next to us as we listen to that poor animal for hours.

I believe that “good” people (if not all people) have it in their nature to want to help. I also believe far too many “good” people fall well short of the execution of that desire.

Some years ago, my youngest child was called to Africa to work in an orphanage; reluctantly, I let her go. Some years later; my husband felt the call to go to Haiti to work among the earthquake victims, and our oldest has answered the call to work with sick and injured animals (I could have used her help last night.) I have recently found myself in Youth Ministry at our church; this is far from what I feel called to do.

Leaving those young people without a leader would be akin to leaving them in the woods and hoping they make it out alive.

Being in youth leader is the second to last thing I want to be; the last thing I want to be is part of a church without one.

I believe that, with all good intentions, when we see suffering, poverty, injustice, intolerance and indifference, or just someone who needs help; we wish someone would do something to help. I am someone.

I wonder if my journey from Rubenimity has taken a side road, a detour, a diversion, or perhaps not. Maybe I am on a new path; maybe I am on the correct path… a path through the woods.

Welcome to My Blog

I have been thinking about starting one for some months now.

I enjoy posting my thoughts on Facebook and Twitter, though; I am sometimes frustrated with their limitations. I regularly follow several bloggers, and I am just as interesting and insightful as they are.

I am not sure where this will go of if anyone will read it (well… you are, so that answers that.) I do know that I will write about my thoughts, my fears, my dreams.

Along with some misspelled words; I expect there will be a rant from time to time. My politics, my inner nerd and (I hope) my spirituality will be obvious.

I am a woman, a mother of two, a wife for more than 30 years, a student (a non-traditional one at that,) a teacher (just as non-traditional,) an artist (in my own way.) I work full-time; I have one dog, one cat, and soon I will be a grandmother.

I call my blog Rubenesque because I am, and I like words and fun facts; I think it makes me seem smarter than I am. I am smart, although, I have not always been able to prove it. I wish I were better at being smart.

Undiagnosed with ADD and Dyslexia until my oldest child was … oops… I also expect that I will get off track and off topic from time to time.

OK, back to why I have called my blog Rubenesque: I have been Rubenesque most of my adult life. The truth is I wish I weren’t. It has not been a good thing and I fully expect it will kill me.

I take care of other, but I need to take better care of myself – I need to love myself more. Maybe I will start now.

I said I am not sure where this blog will go; I do know that I will write about my thoughts, my fears, my dreams and my journey to loving myself more.